Challenges, Rewards, and the Benefits of a Virtual Public Charter School to help Homeschool Your Autistic Child

If you have a child on the Spectrum or know someone who does, you've probably gotten a glimpse of the challenges that arise from raising a neurodivergent child in a neurotypical world! The normal rewards, consequences, and disciplines just don't work the same as they do with a neurotypical child, and if you are trying to homeschool your Autistic child, the difficulties can feel very isolating!

Our oldest daughter was diagnosed with Autism in January of 2025. She will be 10 this month! A diagnosis at 9 years old feels a little too late, since we suspected something was going on by the age of 4! If you are not aware, Autism presents MUCH differently in girls than in boys, and girls tend to be under-diagnosed or misdiagnosed. This is because girls are much better at something called masking. Masking is when the child takes cues from others around them, and although they may not understand it, will essentially "copy" other peoples' behaviors to fit in. Our oldest did this ALL DAY at school, and then would come home and fall apart! Home is her safe place, as it should be, so we saw more of her behaviors at home. When we suggested this to the school district, trying to get an IEP (Individual Education Plan), we got eye rolls and were told that masking isn't a real thing! Let me be clear, though, it IS a real thing! I have read it all over the internet, and had Occupational Therapists, Psychologists, Behavioral Therapists, and Special Education Teachers ALL confirm that Autistic girls, in fact, MASK their symptoms! Autistic boys may do this too, but less often than girls.

As our daughter gets older we are seeing more behaviors even out in public. If she is with us, no matter where that might be, she does not feel the need to mask her symptoms. This is good for her, but hard for Matt and me. Dealing with a "scene" and stares can feel embarrassing to say the least. I feel ashamed admitting that, but we are human, after all! Our daughter is generally okay with us sharing her diagnosis, so in our inner circle there is a lot of understanding. The grocery store is a completely different story!

Talking to other parents, and trying out their advice, made it clear we weren't dealing with a typical toddler like most had thought! This, too, was isolating! Our daughter did not have any speech delays and is "High Functioning" which made it even harder for others to notice what was going on! Other parents we talked to simply did not understand to what extent we were dealing with behaviors, and would write it off as "normal toddler behavior". Matt and I would wonder what we were doing wrong, because we would try the advice and it VERY RARELY worked! It often made things worse! The whole "cry it out thing" never worked for any of our girls, but especially for our oldest, who would work herself up to the point where leaving her alone might result in her causing self harm!

Since our daughter is "sensory seeking" and in times of distress truly needs the pressure of a hug, if she does not receive that, her go-to habit is biting herself. In the past she has also banged her head on the wall. We don't want any of these things to happen, so when she gets worked up, we often hug her and rock her to allow her body to physically process her emotions, through movement (rocking is one of the most soothing movements for the body). Transitions are extremely hard for her. In the context of homeschooling, there are a lot of transitions from one subject to the next. Moving from one room to the other. With a neurotypical child, it may seem like, "what's the big deal?! So they have to get up and walk to the table!" However, for an Autistic child it is another demand that feels physically draining, and mentally exhausting, to process.

During the school day I do see a lot of meltdowns. Being asked to perform a task can be really difficult for our daughter, and it may result in her yelling at me, or starting to scream. She, also, often gets physically harmful by hitting me or one of our younger daughters (or both)! Sometimes I can keep my cool and help calm her. Other times, it causes me to also become dysregulated, because again, I am only human, and I am exhausted by redirecting my children ALL. DAY. LONG!

This is the EXACT reason we have chosen to homeschool through a Virtual Public Charter School. Being enrolled in a virtual school offers us the assistance of a Special Education Teacher and a School Occupational Therapist. Having the Special Education support has been invaluable to us! We have been provided reward charts, and ways to use them, that best suit our child and get her motivated to learn. We have also received visual tools to use, so that I rarely have to use my voice (which the sound of is apparently annoying to my daughter) during transitions. I have support and validation whenever I express a concern about teaching my daughter the curriculum. We have also been given advice on how to tweak the curriculum to best suit her interests and educational needs. My daughter is Autistic, but she is also Gifted, which means she gets "bored" a lot! She is extremely smart, and doesn't understand why she has to waste her time learning about American History when she could be reading about horses, or drawing them, instead! Motivation is key, and without the help of the Special Education department (help we were denied from the public school, because my Autistic daughter didn't act like an Autistic boy, and had a high IQ) we would be utterly lost!

I share this to encourage you to look at ALL of your options when it comes to educating your Autistic child. You don't have to go the traditional public school route. You also don't have to go with the traditional homeschool route! There are SO many options out there! With a virtual school, you can do all book based (you are the main teacher), or you can do all virtual classes (classes on the computer with a certified teacher), or you can do a combination of both! I have done ALL of these options through the same virtual school! And whatever school option you choose, fight for your child! Fight for the very best possible outcome! You are their biggest and best advocate!

Being completely transparent, sending my daughter to public school would be easier for me during the school day. However, it would be A LOT harder for her, and the meltdowns (also known as "After School Restraint Collapse") due to masking all day, would be unbearable! I know, because we lived through it almost every day she was in public school! I am not a natural teacher, so it has been a stretch for me, but choosing curriculum through a virtual school offers me, not only a step by step teachers guide, but the help of a certified teacher! Both of my school age daughters are enrolled in the same virtual school. They each have a different curriculum, that is suited to their learning styles, and they are both on the caseload of a teacher that works for the school. We can go to their teachers with any questions or concerns, at any time, through email. If the concerns warrant a meeting, we can set that up through Zoom or Google Meet. My girls also have a weekly check in with their teachers. Our oldest meets for a half an hour, weekly, with her Special Ed teacher to talk about how school is going, and trouble shoot any problems we might be having with a certain assignment (since she did not really "click" with the Occupational Therapist during meetings, the Special Ed teacher consults with the OT about certain issues instead of our daughter meeting with the OT). Our middle daughter also has a weekly meeting with her teacher. It is technically supposed to be for 15 minutes, but they usually end up talking longer, because her teacher enjoys visiting with her! My youngest (not school aged) often joins in on those meetings. My oldest's meetings, for legal reasons, need to be in a more private space, so her Special Ed teacher can offer more support, if needed, without distractions.

We were so disheartened when the public school denied us the help of an IEP. Even with an official diagnosis, they were not very willing! However, I think their loss is our gain! Although some days are extremely difficult, I still have the privilege of being with my girls every day! I also have the privilege of learning and growing, and finding the best ways to connect with both my Autistic and Allistic (non-Autistic) children. As my knowledge of teaching expands, I find that I am becoming a more patient, calm, and gentle (yet firm) parent. A lot of this is due to the help of the virtual school, but most of it is truly due to leaning in, and calling on the name of my Heavenly Father, for strength and endurance. Because of His help and guidance, I was led to the virtual school, and because of His help and guidance, I am figuring out the best way to teach my children, and especially my Autistic daughter. Most of the time doing the right thing, is doing the harder thing, but in the end it is definitely worth it!